


An Important Lesson Urned

by Kiethblacklion



Series: Voltron Shorts: A Series of Short Stories [2]
Category: Voltron: Lion Voltron
Genre: Gen, Kiethblacklion, Parody, pun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-24 00:17:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10730277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiethblacklion/pseuds/Kiethblacklion
Summary: Pidge and Hunk give an important and inspiring symposium to a captive audience.





	An Important Lesson Urned

**Author's Note:**

> This was off of an old pun that my step-father once recited to me. It also takes a jab at those self-help style symposiums that end up being nothing more than pyramid schemes.

**An Important Lesson Urned**

**By Kiethblacklion**

 

 

 

It was a Saturday night at the Voltronolitan Ballroom and Casino on Planet Arus. Outside the room was a sign resting on an easel which read: Tonight - Post Doomalyptic-Zarkonian Economics Symposium; Tomorrow – Psychology Lecture on the Cultural Impact of Cartoons from the 1980s by Doctor Ralpok.

Every seat in the ballroom was filled and the audience members chatted and shifted in their chairs, anxiously awaiting the start of the lecture. The lights suddenly blinked off then on, then slowly dimmed. A spotlight shown on the stage as the announcer spoke.

“Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the Voltronolitan Ballroom and Casino. Tonight’s lecture will be an explaination of Post Doomalyptic-Zarkonian Economics presented to you by two members of the Voltron Force. And now, without further ado, here are your hosts for this evening: Pidge, the pilot of the Green Voltron Lion and Hunk, the pilot of the Yellow Voltron Lion.

One sad and lonely man in the very back of the room clapped as Pidge and Hunk, both dressed in pin stripped suits and fedoras walked out on stage. On stage stood two lecterns and each of the pilots stood behind one. Hunk clipped the end of a cigar and lit it.

Pidge was the first to speak. “It’s great to be here tonight. Of course, any night not spent fighting robeasts is a great night!”

Pidge awaited a laugh but none could be heard. The only sound to break the silence was the meow of a cat, lost somewhere in the sea of guests.

“I told you not to tell that joke,” Hunk said as he puffed on his cigar.

“Just tell them the story,” Pidge sighed.

“Yeah, sure…” Hunk said as he took another puff on his cigar. His voice sounded more like a 1930s Chicago gangster than a Voltron pilot.

“This is great,” Pidge told the audience. His excitement could be clearly seen.

“Give me a break, will ya,” Hunk said.

“Yeah yeah, sure. Whatever you say,” Pidge said, his voice taking on a ‘yes man’ tone.

“To best explain Post Doomalitic…uh uh…whatever, economics, let me tell ya a little story.” Hunk puffed on his cigar, blowing the smoke towards Pidge.

“Yeah…tell the story,” Pidge said as he waved the smoke away from his face.

“I’m to tell a story, here,” Hunk told Pidge. “Would ya quit interrupting?”

“Yeah, sure.” Pidge make the motion of zipping his lips. “You won’t hear any more out of me.”

Hunk sighed in frustration. “Would ya shut up?”

“Oh yeah…ok.” Pidge looked out at the audience. “shhhhh.” He turned his attention back to Hunk. “Ok, go ahead.”

Hunk shook his head before addressing the audience. “Ya see, once upon a time, there was a man named Benny.” Hunk turned to Pidge. “What else would his name be, right?”

“What else?” Pidge replied.

Hunk puffed on his cigar. “One night he was visited by his fairy god mudda, ya see.”

“By his fairy god mother,” Pidge repeated.

“Fairy God mudda,” Hunk corrected as he pointed his cigar at Pidge.

“yeah… “ Pidge said, nodding his head.

“Now Benny's fairy god mudda…” Hunk paused long enough to look at Pidge, then back at the audience. “…promised him that he would live forever but only under one condition.”

Pidge held up one finger. “One.”

“…that he never ever shave again,” Hunk continued.

“Never shave again… “ Pidge repeated.

“Now Benny never shaved after that and you know what?" Hunk asked.

“What?” Pidge asked, pretending he didn’t know what Hunk was going to say next.

“Benny lived to be a 175 years old.” Hunk puffed on his cigar.

Pidge banged his podium with his fist. “No…I don't believe it.”

“Believe it,” Hunk told him. “Now one day, Benny met a beautiful girl. That happens to all of us.”

“It hasn’t happened to me,” Pidge said.

“That’s cause you look like a creepy midget with a headband from the 80s,” Hunk told him.

Pidge frowned and an audible “aww” radiated out from the audience.

“Back to the story,” Hunk said. “Benny met this girl and he fell in to what?”

“A puddle?” Pidge asked.

“No, try again,” Hunk told him.

“He fell in love,” Pidge answered.

“You're very bright. And this beautiful girl asked Benny to shave his beard off.” Hunk took another puff of his cigar.

Pidge’s mouth dropped open. “No… she didn’t?”

“Yes, she did,” Hunk said. “And Benny, not wanting to lose this girl, shaved his beard.”

“Oh no,” Pidge said.

“And when the fairy god mudda heard that Benny had shaved….boy, she got mad,” Hunk said.

“Mad,” Pidge repeated as he looked at the audience. “What did she do?”

“She turned Benny into a great big Grecian Urn,” Hunk told him.

“How sad for Benny,” Pidge said.

“It is sad, but it teaches us an important lesson,” Hunk said as he put out his cigar.

“And what is that important lesson?” Pidge asked.

Hunk smiled. “That a Benny shaved…is a Benny urned.”


End file.
